UEFA Confirm John Terry To Lift Every Trophy Available

17 May

Governing body UEFA have confirmed that Chelsea Captain, John Terry has requested that he lift every trophy handed out from now until he eventually dies.  They have granted the request based on his ‘enthusiasm at the podium, stupidly long arms and his speed at which he can whip on a full kit.’

FBL-EUR-C3-BENFICA-CHELSEA‘Hold on, lads.’

‘John loves it up there. He doesn’t care if he’s played or not. he just wants to be the kid hoisting that trophy above his stupid head. That kind of passion can really inspire others,’ said UEFA President Michel Platini.

Whilst most of his own Chelsea teammates don’t seem to mind, there is some concern regarding Terry pretending to be part of other teams’ success in championship games.

terry gatecrashing 4Emotional

‘John’s main quality is the commitment to having looked like he’s played,’ said ex Chelsea man Frank Sinclair.  ‘He even puts on his shin pads. I once saw him sliding around in the mud outside before heading for the main stadium so it looked like he’d played a full 90. Branislav Ivanovich actually thought they’d spent the last hour and a half playing alongside each other. Now, it’s one thing to fool the other Chelsea players – but how is he going to find a Barcelona shirt or an Everton jersey when they lift trophies? That’s the challenge he faces – although knowing John he’ll make it happen. He’s a warrior.’

Terry gatecrashing 2Moon Man.

With Terry’s retirement looming due to his stupid, ailing body – many see him moving outside of football to take credit for all sorts of things.

terry gatecrashing 3Enjoying Himself

‘Don’t be surprised to see him claiming he’s responsible for all manner of victories; civil rights movements, political successes, peace missions. Let’s not forget John Terry is a huge twat,’ said lots of people.

Terry gatecrashing‘See…?!’

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