Barcelona Decide To Take Ball Home – Not Let Anyone Else Play

2 May

After years of domestic and European dominance, Barcelona are having to come to terms with being publicly humiliated in front of a global audience, having been beaten by Bundesliga Champions elite – Bayern Munich – 7-0 over two legs of the Champions League Semi-Final.

With their pants well and truly pulled down by the German team, Barcelona retreated to the Camp Nou and were said to be ‘feverishly passing the ball to each other in triangles’ like some kind of men possessed.

‘It was difficult to watch.’ Said an unknown Barca fan. ‘They didn’t even play with goals. They were just running in circles.’

With access to the training ground restricted, it was left to reports from fringe players to reveal what was going on.

‘They said I couldn’t play.’ Said Cesc Fabregas on his back way out. ‘They say if Lionel can’t play then I can’t play. They said no-one else could play. They’re not going to share that ball with anyone.’

Fabregas is, of course, referring to Lionel Messi – the consensus pick amongst most football fans as the most talented player in the world. Messi is still injured and has reportedly been placed on a shrine in which the Barca players play around – every so often bouncing the ball off his encased left foot.

‘I thought they were my friends until this happened.’ Said Fabregas. ‘ Now they choose not to like me because we lose the semi-final. I think they are very bad losers. I need to go back to Arsenal. We are used to disappointment there.’

As people came to watch from afar, Sergio Busquets threw himself to the ground and started appealing to what many thought to be an invisible referee. After seemingly not getting the decision he fell to his knees, crying, shaking his hands at the air.

‘It’s Andreas (Iniesta) mainly. Him and Xavi decide who can play. They once locked Alex Hleb in their basement until he promised to leave back to Stuttgart. They drove him to the airport laughing like crazy men. It’s unsafe here for some people.’



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