Newcastle Fans Vow To Punch Every Horse In Town Until Safe From Relegation

29 Apr

Following the embarrassing 6-0 defeat to Liverpool at the weekend – Newcastle fans, Michael ‘Chalky’ White and Aaron ‘loves boobs’ McDaniel have vowed to punch every horse they find in the city until the club is safe from relegation.

After a worrying loss of form in recent weeks, Newcastle now find themselves only five points clear of Wigan and only three clear of Aston Villa – both of whom have a game in hand.

‘Somethings gotta be done.’ Said White. ‘We’ze definitely cannae leave it to that muppet Pardoo. Yeah, people seem to like horses. To be fair, I like horses me self, but sacrifices have to be made.’


Defending a separate incident in which another Newcastle fan, Barry Rogerson, punched a police horse after the derby defeat to Sunderland, ‘Loves Boobs’ was adamant about the pairs decision.

‘We all like horses, that’s not up for debate. But after the derby when Barry’s punched the mare  square in the jaw, like, we picked up a decent point away to West Brom. You can says what youze like but that’s evidence enough. It’s obvious to me and Chalky what needs to be done.’

In related news, it now seems even more unlikely that ex cult hero Andy Carroll will return to the club, after ‘loves boobs’ knocked him out whilst he was leaving a kebab shop.

‘It was dark.’ He said. ‘the big equine beast should know better than to walk the streets considering there’s a warning out.’



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